Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest!

Update! I placed 2nd in this competition. Thank you to everyone who voted!

I have to admit, I’ve never entered one of these kinds of contests before, but I am very excited to be a part of this one! Happy Halloween everyone and good luck!

From the site:

“Can you leave us breathless? On October 21 post an excerpt from your novel or other writings to your blog. If you want, you can write something new for the contest. Only one entry per participant. It can be up to 300 words (if the allotted word count falls in the middle of a sentence than go to the end). It can be scary. It could be a romance. A thrill ride. A twist. It can be any genre. All you have to do is make us gasp. You can end with a cliff hanger. You can get gory. Whatever. Just leave us breathless.
From October 21-23 hop to the other participants’ blogs and comment. A team of secret judges will be hopping along too, choosing their favorites. On October 24th the semi-finalists will be announced on my blog and you all can vote for your favorites.”
If you want to enter and haven’t yet click here! And please find my entry below:
UPDATE: So pleased and humbled to be a semi-finalist! To vote, click here! Competition ends 10/27 @ midnight.

You can sell watches and wallets, use cash and credit cards. You can sell earrings, diamond or gold, or crown fillings if you can get at them. There is a market for everything. Smartphones and laptops and tablets are best, but we’ve sold blood, kidneys, and urine. Yes, people buy urine to pass drug tests. We buy our rent, our car, our rocks, our needles, we buy our freedom. Dizzy in our heads, one more dollar rolled up while we sit on the couch in a haze. It’s Halloween in a week. The house is freezing, and we have nothing left to sell.

Garland at the mall reminds me of childhood memories sitting around a television that played a fake yule log on Christmas. It also reminds me of restraints, which we need so we steal some. Aimless rounds in a suffocating mash of people, we are like confused piglets in a slaughterhouse. Move closer. We see it, a piglet that can be sold. He is about three feet high, and his mother has let go of his hand.

On Halloween the toddler helps hand out candy. A few times I’ve woken up to find him dancing in our living room. Whenever someone comes over to take a look at our beautiful boy for sale, they leave empty-handed. One Halloween I was a princess, and I tripped and fell in a mud puddle. I wasn’t a real princess, and I don’t think we stole a real baby. One night we awake and find him standing between us in our bed. Do we want all the wealth and needles and happiness that we can dream of? Turns out, we do have one last thing to sell. I ask him if he’ll leave the house if we say yes. Agreed. Now, life is perfect; still, I can’t help but worry.

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22 responses to “Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest!

  1. Someone mentioned stream of conciousness, and fractured narrative. Apparenly that is what you were gong for, but it left me a little confused.

    It is possible that this is just not a genre that I am used to. Good luck, though!

  2. I understand as flash fiction and not an excerpt from a scene, that it may read a bit abstract. I personally have a specific narrative in mind though for this piece, so I find these comments very interesting. Thanks for reading and for the feedback!

    Jennifer-thanks! Good luck to you too!

  3. Wow! This left me absolutely breathless — and very confused but I think that’s what you aimed for with this stream of consciousness. I actually felt like being in a drug addict’s head. Half sane, half insane and in need of another shot. Creepy.

  4. Cat- thank you so much! I’m very happy to hear it left you breathless. I’ve tweaked it a touch to help give the narrative context while keeping it in its intended voice. Thanks again!

  5. I felt confused, like I was the one on drugs. I almost thought the toddler was going to be some sort of demon or something. You know, one of those imaginary beings. It was a very strange, abstract piece that definitely had my brain spinning. Good luck with this!!

  6. Thank you for participating in Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest. Your entry has been judged.

    Good luck!

    The Judges
    (Connie, Joannine, Marissa, and Brenda)

  7. I’m getting a very “devil in baby’s clothing” vibe. Successfully creepy. Great job, sis! Happy Halloween indeed.

  8. I appreciate the stream-of-addled-consciousness approach. I think this excerpt shows a lot of discipline as a writer-you stay within what your narrator can say.

    It’s an excerpt, so it will be confusing because there is no context. Once we read the whole thing, and I hope we will, we’ll understand more.

    Definitely creepy for Hallowe’en! I love writing Hallowe’en stories. My entry is #38.

  9. Thanks Scott. Getting feedback that the writing came off disciplined is a huge compliment to me. What my narrator does say, while seemingly random, was meticulously chosen to help give detail, in her own addled way, to the context of the story. I did write this as flash fiction though, so I’d like it to stand on its own. I’ll have to think about whether or not I would add more, given the chance.

    Glad it achieved a creepy effect!

    Thanks again for your feedback, I will definitely check yours out!

  10. Congrats, Ellen, on making it into the semi-finals. Yours was a really fun read and totally deserves the mention 🙂 It’s such a different style from what most people have done, and I like that you went there with it. I don’t think I’ve ever written anything by you before, so this was a very nice introduction!

  11. Thanks very much Rachel! We should exchange writing in the future! I have chapters of a YA novel I’ve been working on as well as a few other fiction projects in the works : )

  12. Hey, hey, you’re up there in the top 3! woot woot! Keeping fingers crossed for you. Oh, and thanks for subscribing to my blog. I’m all smiles, now. 🙂

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